36 weeks.

36 weeks.

Four weeks until my due date. One week until I'm considered full term. & three weeks until they'll induce me. Baby girl Staples will likely be here the last week of November unless I go in to labor sooner...which I really hope I do. The doctor I spoke to this week said they would induce me on the 26th. But I'm going to see my regular doctor this week because the likelihood of that labor turning in to an emergency c-section is probably pretty high. I really don't want an emergency c-section so we're going to talk to him about that this week. I'm really hoping baby girl gets here sooner though. I am fully aware that having a newborn is going to be hard & I'll probably be pretty miserable. But I'm already pretty miserable, so I think not having a baby in my belly would be nice so that I could at least roll over. Plus, I'm having issues with my blood pressure again, so I'd like that to go away. I passed out a lot today from simple tasks like showering, & putting the bumper on the crib. I'd just like that to be over. So... baby get out of me!!!! Having said that, I think it's so cool feeling her move around in there. It took a lot of getting used to but I finally enjoy it. I particularly love it when she gets the hiccups. Husband thinks it's funny that her hiccups make my whole belly bounce. She gets them 6 or 7 times a day. She's very hiccupy. (As you can see in the above photo, baby has dropped.)

In other news this week, I'm dealing with a cold. It very rapidly went from my throat to my chest. That's no fun. Especially when I'm this big. But at least I have a voice for 95% of the day now! I just have a bit of a nasty cough. Hurricane/superstorm Sandy hit this week. Seeing pictures of New York & New Jersey is so sad. We had 50mph gusts & we're all the way out in southwest Ohio. I cannot imagine the damage in closer areas. We got a lot of rain for 3 days straight...which I loved. Reminded me of home. Cause you know, I consider England home & it rains 300 something days of the year there. I love the overcast rainy weather. It brings me joy. Oh! I also finished the mobile for the baby's room last Sunday. I'll have to get a good picture of it once we hang it. I'm pretty proud of it!

K, things are about to get serious. I don't mean to sound preachy or anything...but this has been on my mind for a long time & it really bothers me.

I realized a long time ago that people tend not to talk about their pregnancies openly. Most people just act like everything is perfect & they love being pregnant. Even Gabe told me that he didn't realize that pregnancy was so hard because he's only ever heard women say wonderful things about pregnancy. You rarely hear about the negatives from people. It makes other women feel awful for ever having doubts or issues. That's why I prefer to be open. If someone who's pregnant reads what I've experienced they'll know they're not the only one & not feel so bad about it! I've had plenty of doubts, fears, & issues over the last 34 weeks that I've known I was pregnant. Tons in fact. I don't feel like that's abnormal in the least. But people never talk about it so at first I felt awful.

This week it really hit me that people need to be able to talk about the realities of pregnancy. It's hard! There are always people that will have it harder, but you know what? You're not pathetic for thinking your pregnancy is hard, cause it's hard on you. & no one else knows what's going on with you except for YOU! My pregnancy has not been easy for me. I've had plenty of issues, but I'm blessed because as far as they can tell, my baby is perfectly healthy. & I'm going to be perfectly fine once baby gets here as far as we know! I love knowing that I'm growing a healthy baby girl. That doesn't mean that I've had it easy. I've been in & out of labor & delivery plenty of times. I've passed out way more than is good for anyone. My blood pressure is all over the place. I still get morning sickness. Among other things. You know what? It sucks! It could definitely be worse, but that doesn't make me think my pregnancy doesn't suck any less. Occasionally I like being pregnant, but for the most part, I really don't like it. I'm uncomfortable all the time. A few weeks ago I started this thing where I don't sleep any more than 30 minutes at a time, if that. I look pretty drugged thanks to the lack of sleep (& people notice...including strangers). I already have back problems, but my back has never hurt so bad. Yes, those last few are totally normal for pregnancy...but they are still bothersome, & I still feel like it's okay to complain about it. I've had a tough 8 months & I'm ready for baby girl to get here. Not just because I want to meet her, but because I really want my body back. I feel like I'm a host for an alien or something. That probably sounds terrible. It doesn't mean I don't love my baby, it just means I don't love being pregnant. I find that to be perfectly okay.

I hope that people try to keep in mind that it's okay to have insecurities & doubts when they're pregnant. That it's okay if you're having a tough time because you're throwing up, even though that other woman may have it worse because she's on full bed rest. That doesn't mean you're weak. Keep in mind that you're growing a human. It's not easy!! Whether you have no kids or six kids, it's draining. I admire women who have multiple kids & deal with being pregnant. I can't imagine doing that. I know I will someday, but the idea of it terrifies me. I don't even have energy to play with my dog. How could I possibly have energy for kids, a dog, & taking care of the husband & house? I guess I'll find out someday. But in the meantime I'm dealing with THIS pregnancy. This is the first baby we're bringing in to the world & it has been a long road. My long road isn't over yet. But in the next 3 weeks it'll all be worth it when we bring a beautiful, healthy, baby girl in to the world. Yes, she'll keep me up all the time, but at least she'll be out of me & I can love her & squeeze her! Right now I just cradle my watermelon belly. & when I put pressure on my belly she usually freaks out & ends up kicking me really hard in the hip so that doesn't happen very often. Anyway. The point is, don't make people feel bad about having a hard time when they're pregnant, even if you went through worse. Make sure they know it's okay to feel miserable. Especially with their first. This is the last time they get to pity themselves cause once that baby is born they have to suck it up & be a mom. (& for the record, if a mom-to-be is depressed, I don't think that's called self pity. Depression is a big deal & it can get a lot worse with post partum...& even before then given all those hormones.) I sulk around my house all the time, but I know that soon I'll have to put on my big girl pants & be a mom. In the meantime I'm perfectly content curling up in fetal position, hunched over on the floor, or propping my feet up. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Okay. Seriousness is over. I hope everyone is well!

That is all.

- Alexa